


Three Times Sirius Woke Remus Up

by thesoundofnat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Light Angst, M/M, POV Sirius Black, Post-Slash, Pre-Slash, Sleep Deprivation, Touching, let remus sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 08:17:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15747843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoundofnat/pseuds/thesoundofnat
Summary: “Time for bed,” Sirius replied. “Come on.”Remus hummed. “Carry me?”“Absolutely not.”“Wow. You’re so not boyfriend material.”





	Three Times Sirius Woke Remus Up

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by an anon on tumblr. I hope you like it!

**1.**

Sirius could sense his exhaustion the moment Remus stepped into the common room that evening. A bad full moon the previous week combined with revising for their exams had left him bleary-eyed and irritable, and when he’d disappeared into the library for the third night in a row no one had tried to stop him. Sirius could see him so close to the edge now. So close to giving in to the fatigue.

He slumped down beside him on the couch, shoulders low and heavy. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” Sirius said, trying not to let his concern taint his voice. The last thing Remus needed was to be pitied. “Any progress?”

“I finished all the assignments for this week.”

“That’s good.”

Remus hummed, turning his head slightly to meet his eyes. “Wish I could’ve done more.”

“You’d be a damn wizard if you’d manage to do more than that.”

“Oh, ha ha.” But Remus did crack a smile, and Sirius felt his heart break and swell all at once. “Where are the others?”

“In bed, like we all should be.”

“I’ll go in a bit. I need to just-”

“Calm down?”

“Something like that. What are you working on?”

Sirius had been writing the opening line to an assignment due the next morning for the past hour. Had he been a fool he’d think he was more exhausted than Remus, but he knew better than that. No one was more exhausted than Remus.

He sighed, head rolling back to rest against the couch. “A disaster.”

“Hey, I’m sure it won’t be a disaster. Do you need help?”

“I cannot possibly ask you to do that.” It had slipped out. He hadn’t meant to say it. It was an unwritten rule that you didn’t mention Remus overworking himself unless he physically passed out. He hadn’t passed out yet.

But Remus didn’t pay it any mind. “Other times you beg on your bare knees for me to help. Stop being modest, will you? Give me.” He grabbed the parchment and set to work, and Sirius had to swallow the guilt every other minute lest he wanted to fail one of the last assignments of the semester.

Thirty minutes later found them still in the now entirely empty apart from them common room, Sirius finishing up his homework with Remus peering at him with blinking eyes for support. Sirius knew he was on the verge of falling asleep, but he was so caught up on finishing this damn thing that he let out a sound of genuine surprise when he turned to his friend to celebrate only to find him passed out beside him, mouth open and all.

Sirius licked his lips. The way Remus’ head was angled - hanging forward rather than resting against the back of the couch - was a recipe for a stiff neck. He couldn’t have been asleep for long, and the mere notion of waking him up hurt Sirius more than he could explain.

“Moony,” he mumbled, hoping it wouldn’t take more. “Hey, come on, let’s go up to bed.”

Remus didn’t move. Sirius almost had to make sure he was still alive.

“Hey.” He reached out, let his fingertips hesitate against Remus’ arm before he grabbed it. Shaking it slightly, he watched how Remus opened his eyes, trying to blink away the sleep he so desperately needed.

“Wha-?”

“Let’s go to bed.”

Remus didn’t say anything. Only allowed Sirius to help him stand and walk up the stairs. Had this been their home, only theirs, he might’ve let him stay on the couch and possibly curled up next to him.

**2.**

The library wasn’t Sirius favorite place by any means, but he had to admit there was something magical - no pun intended - about people falling asleep before boring books together. Truly he’d never yawned in unison with so many of his peers until that evening.

“Hey.” James snapped his fingers in his face. “I know that look. Focus.”

Sirius huffed. “Would you let me dissociate in peace?”

“You were falling asleep.”

“Can you blame me?”

“No, but I’d rather you finish your reading tonight than whine all of tomorrow.”

“I’ll whine anyway.”

“I know, but do you really want me to keep saying I told you so?”

Sirius hid behind his book again, grumbling to himself. Remus and Peter had been silent since they arrived, but Sirius had complained more than once and James was the only one irritated enough to take the time to reprimand him. What a mother hen.

He glanced at James, purely to see him glare back in that nonthreatening way of his, but his eyes found Remus instead, all but nodding off in his chair. He did a good job of hiding it, but Sirius knew his signs. Could see the way he blinked too much. How he stared too intently at his book. A book that boring couldn’t be that engaging.

James suddenly scraped his chair back and stood, startling both Peter and Remus. “I need to go find a book. I forgot to grab it earlier.”

“What part are you on?” Peter asked.

“I’m trying to write about the constellation thing.”

“Me too. I’ll come with you.”

They both left, and Sirius was torn between lamenting the fact that he hadn’t even reached the part of the assignment yet that required something about constellations, and between grabbing his books and fleeing while James had his back turned. Instead, he turned back to Remus, who’d seemingly fallen back into the state he’d been before.

Actually, it seemed to be graver than before. Eyes closed, head in that awful angle again. He’d nodded off entirely.

Sirius hated this, but Remus wouldn’t like the attention if he waited for the others to return before he woke him. Reaching across the table, Sirius tapped his fingers against the wood. “Moony.”

Remus jerked awake, meeting his gaze. “Sorry?”

“Are you doing all right there?”

He exhaled slowly, as if answering took a great deal of energy. “I’m just tired.”

“Maybe you should call it a night? You did fall asleep on me the other day as well. Did I ever thank you for helping me?”

“You did. It’s no worries.” Sirius noticed how he didn’t address the falling asleep part.

He leaned back, eyes never leaving Remus. “You want some coffee, at least?”

“I’ve had too many cups today. I’ll just get jumpy.”

Sirius nodded. “All right.”

A half-hearted attempt at a grin. “Thank you for caring.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Jerk. I’m just-”

“Concerned?”

“Well, yes.”

“Don’t be.”

“If I have to carry you all the way back to the dorms I swear to god-”

“Mr Black.” The librarian appeared out of nowhere. “Keep your voice down.”

He shot her his best smile. “My apologies, madam.”

She rolled her eyes almost fondly before walking off. They’d done this before.

He turned back to Remus who was giving him an amused smirk. “Don’t look so smug.”

“Don’t look so satisfied then.”

“I would never.”

The others returned carrying four books, one of which Remus gratefully accepted while Sirius groaned. This would be a long night.

**3.**

Sirius hadn’t meant for this to happen, but a howler too many burst the bubble he’d been containing his emotions in for the past few years, and he locked himself in a broom closet. Pathetic, just like his family kept telling him. It didn’t matter. It usually didn’t matter.

Remus found him like that, curled up in a space he barely fit in, hiding from the world he’d always been brave enough to face. He didn’t say a word. Only closed the door and sat down beside him, their hips and arms pressed together, heartbeats in sync.

That night, in the shelter of the darkness, Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand for the first time. It was a timid motion. A brush of their fingers. A silent question.

Sirius held on to his hand for dear life, squeezing it so tightly Remus had to ask him to ease up, just a little. The first words spoken since they united. Sirius found it apt. He’d always been one to hold on too tightly.

“Is this okay?” he asked, voice hoarse, but he didn’t care.

Remus let out a surprised laugh. “Of course it is. I initiated it.”

“I thought maybe you felt bad for me.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“Feel bad for me?”

“Lead you on.” He brought Sirius’ hand toward his mouth, brushing his lips against the knuckles. “Not to you.”

They didn’t kiss that night. It wasn’t the right time. Instead, they let their hands do the talking. Do the touching. Fingertips on cheekbones, curling against palms, brushing over lower lips.

They were there for so long that Remus fell asleep, his head finally supported by Sirius’ chest, tucked safely beneath his neck. Sirius would’ve stayed there all night if he could, but he knew they had to return to the common room. To the dorm room where two worried boys would be waiting. It was the only time he’d wished he hadn’t been at Hogwarts.

“Remus.”

Remus woke slowly as Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, blinking blearily up at him. “What time is it?” he asked, no confusion. No questioning how he’d ended up here.

“Time for bed,” Sirius replied. “Come on.”

Remus hummed. “Carry me?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Wow. You’re so not boyfriend material.”

Sirius moved his hand down, stroking the skin behind his ear. “Maybe I can change your mind on that.”

“Is that so?” There was something definitely not sleepy in Remus’ voice.

Sirius grinned. “Tomorrow.”

“Tease.”

“Can’t let you tire of me.”

“As if that would ever happen.”

It wouldn’t, but war and life and betrayals would keep them apart anyway.

**And one time he let him sleep.**

When Dumbledore ordered him and Remus to stay at Grimmauld Place together, Sirius had for sure thought it a joke. After all these years, he’d be sleeping door to door with the only person he’d ever loved. It was too cruel, to be in his thirties and to not be able to touch him. To not allow himself to touch him again. His chance had passed him by long ago. He was only an afterthought now.

It was surprisingly easy to fall back in sync with each other, and maybe that made the whole thing worse. They knew each other’s signs, even after all these years. Missed potential. It was too fucking unfair, and it stared him right in the face everyday. He should’ve been focused on the upcoming war, but all he could think of was all that he lost during the previous one.

So, really, obsessing over Remus was the safest choice. He still had him, after all. In a way at least.

“What’s on your mind?”

Sirius looked up. He hadn’t even heard him enter his room, which was pretty bizarre. If there was one thing Sirius knew, it was how this house sounded. If anyone so much as moved in the direction of his bedroom, Sirius would know.

He shrugged. “Nothing. Too much.”

Remus’ lips twitched. “You too, huh?” He entered, hesitating for only a second before settling down on the bed beside Sirius. He was too far away for any part of their bodies to touch, and maybe it was for the best.

Sirius rubbed his forehead. “It feels weird.”

“Being here?”

“Everything.”

“I can’t blame you.”

“I can’t really sleep at night. To be fair I haven’t really slept well in, like, fifteen years, but you know.” He leaned his head back against the wall. “One of these days I think I’m gonna die of exhaustion.” He wasn’t sure why he was saying all of this.

Remus hummed. “I know it’s not the same thing, but I’m having trouble sleeping too.”

Sirius was reminded of late nights in the library. Remus passing out with his face pressed against pages of old knowledge. Waking up with a start when Sirius ran his fingers over his neck. Smiling when he realized he was safe.

He wondered if Remus had ever felt safe after they were forced apart. Maybe he’d been stuck in this bubble of terror ever since that night just like Sirius had. Maybe he hadn’t felt a thing, just like Sirius wished he’d had.

Sirius reached out and let his knuckles collide with Remus’ arm. A friendly punch. Nothing more. “Maybe we should get something stronger to knock us out.”

Remus rolled his eyes fondly. “You think I haven’t thought of that? Don’t think Dumbledore would be too happy though.”

“We’ve been stuck here doing nothing for several days. We deserve some release.”

“I’m sure we won’t be doing nothing for long. This place will be filled with people soon.”

“Of all places. Why here?”

“I’m sorry, Padfoot. I know it’s hard.”

Remus grabbed his shoulder. Gave it a squeeze. Let go.

Sirius sighed. “At least… well, I’m glad you’re here, at least.”

Remus’ lips twitched. “I’m glad I’m here too, Pads.”

It was surreal, but only a little while later Remus’ head was angled in that awful way, the silence and familiar comfort having lulled him to sleep. Sirius let his gaze linger for just a moment too long, but it felt forbidden, so he reached out and stopped himself just in time.

Neither of them was sleeping in this house. If Remus had nodded off it was better to leave him be. Let him rest while he could.

It was only years of practice that allowed Sirius to gently push Remus down the bed so that he could sleep like a normal human being without waking him up. He made sure his head was supported by the pillow, deciding against the blanket since Remus got too hot anyway. He still remembered such useless things, but maybe they weren’t useless at all.

Sirius left the room, and Remus remained asleep until the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I kinda broke my own heart at the end too.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://thesoundofnat.tumblr.com/)!


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